As you know Japan essentially has only two exports; shit that seems like it comes from the future, and objects that at some point will depict an school girl being molested by various items (which can include but are not limited to tentacles, water, hammers, Wii remotes, and for Doktormartini, raw food). As a result, it's kind of embarassing to like anything Japanese, since you might fall into that subculture we call japfag. Despite the homophobia of the portmanteau, it's pretty much the worst insult possible. They call themselves otaku and watch subbed anime (and they have opinions about subs vs dubs) and generally are wastes of air.

However, there are a few things that this subculture includes that aren't completely awful, and as a result should be acknowledged. Here are the top five j-faggy things that you might be embarassed to be caught doing or watching or whatevering but are still cool.

5. Bubble Tea



In a world where everything is organic, all natural, and cruelty free and all chickens are killed by piping in soft jazz while stern photos of black men play in a slideshow, it's nice to see something buck the trend. Bubble tea, or boba tea, seems like it's made out of melted plastic and candy and tastes like it too. It works as follows; first you pick either bubble green tea, regular tea, milk, or snow (which is an icee), then you pick your flavor that you wanna mix with it (including such great stuff as lychee, and shit like durian, which is basically the Hitler of fruit), and then you pick your bottom stuff, which can be these little plasticy tapioca balls or green or red jelly. Then you stab the cover with a giant straw and suck it all up. I didn't make any of this up, that's really what you do.

Bubble tea is so great. It tastes like shit usually but occasionally you can figure out something great. The only downside, other than the amount of anime fans in the store, is that you look twelve because it's impossible to look cool while drinking it. I saw a pimp walking down Hillsborough Street with one of his hookers and he looked at me with a sneer and it was the worst feeling in the world.

Anyways, it's only like 3.50 or so, make an expedition and get one! Don't eat beforehand because they are kind of filling.

4. Cornelius



Unlike other Japanese bands or artists like Boris, Isao Tomita, or the Flower Travelling Band, Cornelius is still pretty essentially japanese and j-fags tend to like them, probably because they don't have long chugging guitar lines. It's too bad because they aren't a bad group at all unlike most of Japan's musical scene, and put on one hell of a show. The group has a pretty big discography, even if it's apparently one guy, who was part of Shibuya-kei. I don't know what that means, but I know Chef loves it, which is never a good sign when it comes to Japanese shit.

He's also a cool guy who supports independent music and you can hear a song here that's available for free use under Creative Commons. He's too good to be related to j-fag shit but he is, so nobody scores!

3. Akira Kurosawa



Fuck, he's so cool. Kurosawa is probably one of the best directors of all time and for good reason. Rashomon is still shown to film students for good reason. Without Kurosawa, there would be no Darth Vader, no Sergio Leone, no Magnificent Seven. It's too bad J-fags like him because he's so fucking awesome and shouldn't be associated with the neckbeard samurai with their authentic hanzo steel. Everyone should at least watch Ran, Rashomon, and the Seven Samurai, if not more. One of the most fantastic directors ever and I can't even think of a joke to make because he's too cool for that shit.

2. Suda 51



Suda 51 fucking hates gamers. He makes the world's most unplayable games and his latest game featured a nerd who loves anime and who is such a stereotype that he kills dudes with a beam katana and buys anime gear and basically sucks at life constantly. That's why he's so great, even if he is a stylized douchebag I guess.

It's refreshing not to to play a game where everything is epic as shit and is instead about how much he hates you. Suda haaaaaaaaatttteeessss you.

Fun fact: the final boss of Killer 7 is defeated by shooting it in its brightly colored dick.

1. Mindgame



Probably the best animated film ever. Oh god. I don't even want to write more about it because I feel like it would ruin how great this movie is. I can't believe people watch Naruto instead of this. I would watch Mindgame a thousand times before watching another episode of Naruto. I would also probably suck on a knife before watching Naruto again.



FUCK THIS RULES.

What do you like that comes from Japan??? If it's not on this list chances are that it is garbage. If you disagree, feel free to post about it. And if you watched Mindgame give yourself a fucking pat on the back because it's so fucking good!!!!!! I MADE THIS ENTIRE ARTICLE FOR BUBBLE TEA AND MINDGAME!!!

also yes, some of this isn't japanese (Mindgame and bubble tea), but it's part of the otaku subculture so.