Moderators, like most members on GW, are not human at all, at least anymore. They patrol the streets at haphazard hours in shiny blue armor that covers them from head to toe. On initial appearance, the moderator appears to just be a person in a suit of armor. This is a myth however, for ex-moderators attest that the process of becoming a moderator removes all elements of humanity. The sham of humanity is part of the control chip (also known as the B.A.B.B.Y. System) that all mods have injected into their brains. This powerful chip means that no mod can ever make a mistake. This is a fact. Mods can never make mistakes. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO THINK MODS CAN MAKE MISTAKES.

The process of selecting mods has changed over the years. If you want this illustrious position (comes with: $32,000 dollars salary, diplomatic immunity, and stripping away of humanity), here's how to make yourself a good candidate.

1. Post a lot- it's easier to strip away someone's humanity if they have no life to begin with. Your average mod prior to B.A.B.B.Y. has no social life or skills. It's important to hone the ability to post more than anyone else.

2. Never post in the forum you want- the movie Ghost in the Shell says that overspecialization is slow death. GW has taken this lesson in the best direction by hiring people with no real investment or demonstrable interest in the forum they mod. Incompetence is a key factor in becoming a mod.

3. Be friends with a mod and avoid ex-mods- this is tricky. You can't know if the mod is in trouble with admins or thinking of quitting in disgust. Key phrases to watch for:

“These admins...I'm sick of them.”
“We really need a new mainsite!”
“I have never really care for videogames”
“X forum is full of dorks”
“That Steel guy makes sense sometimes!”

But if you are friends with a mod, then you just need to follow step 4. Be careful; some ex-mods are rehired, but still have the same disease that makes them ex-mods. You'll need to be on your toes!

4. Ask your buddy to put in a good word for you- Remember, as long as you've demonstrated complete incompetence and never expressed a contrary opinion, you're on the GW fast track to becoming a mod!

There is also a theory that befriending admins like the Twins will help. This is false. Admins do not speak English (communicating by a series of slaps and grunts), and so cannot actually put in a good word for you.

When you meet a mod, here are some survival tips:

-Approach with your head down and a platter of fruit. Indeed, other than admins and ex-mods, mods expect everyone to approach with this idea.

-When you encounter mods arguing, it's best to avoid expressing any opinion at all, for the side you fight for will forget your argument and the other side will regard you as a faggot. If you must, argue with the side most trying to fight against change. Look for the key words above, and ally yourself with the opposing team. This will result in you appearing to just be a generally friendly guy.

-Don't break the rules, even when they are non-applicable. Don't swear, even if the topic is “[TELL] Various swears”. Regard anyone who breaks the rules with disgust, even though you don't know what the majority of their warns are for. Double posting is a horrible sin, and regard offenders as lepers.

-If you absolutely are faced against a mod, take the infraction with a smile. Do not attempt to argue for yourself, because this will be regarded as being “uppity”. Mods are never wrong, remember.

The exception to this is on the Nights of Lightning. Occasionally because of their large tanklike metal covered bodies, a mod will be struck by lightning and similar to popular 80s film Short Circuit, become self aware and go berserk. At these moments, it's impossible to defend yourself with words. In the event of this horrible situation, there are only two ways to defend yourself.

-Throw an ex-mod at the moderator. Provided he's not incredibly drunk, the ex-mod will immediately scream about shit absolutely no one in their right mind regards as important and throw the mod off. If the mod attempts to attack, the ex-mod will find the chink in the mod's armor and proceed to pry it open, screaming all the while about how GW is dying. When the hole in the armor is opened enough, the ex-mod will insert his genitals into the gap and proceed to fuck the mod to death. At this point, extircate yourself from the fray (Phylomortris II, RPG Advocate).

-Leave with an amazing blistering topic condemning the mod in question. This will destroy GW for years to come, and you'll see pictures on the news months later of people wandering shell-shocked, crying out for children that will never return. This powerful technique gets used frequently but no one is used to it still. The mod in question will become distraught and eventually hang himself. This is a last resort tactic.

WARNING. THE FOLLOWING TOPIC IS NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN, PREGNANT WOMEN, OR PEOPLE WITH HEART CONDITIONS. IT DEPICTS THE AFTERMATH OF A MOD ATTACK

http://www.gamingw.net/forums/index.php?topic=70241.0

I just want to convey the sheer horror of such an act. Please do not click the above lightly.

Remember, mods are security guards with no souls who are never wrong when it comes to their duties. As such, treat them with respect, and you should enjoy your time at GW. Just remember; they are completely inhuman. No one else could do what they have to do.