Damn brothers weren’t expecting this one. It’s like a Solid Steel guest appearance except I won’t be performing Roots Manuva/Amerie Mashups or broadcasting live over the radio. I decided to get one over on handsome lamb and hijack freeware Fridays for a week so I can convince you all that you are missing out on some GREAT FREE GAMES.

I know what you’re thinking, I don’t even believe it myself!

DN told me I’m not allowed to write about any games that anybody may have heard of ever because he wants to do them all himself (what a jerk) so I’m going to tell you about some obscure games that will help you kill five minutes of time. Some of them are awesome games and some of them are awesome novelties but if you have five minutes to kill before you head out to dodgeball practice then I think you will never be bored again!

Also seeing as this is potentially the only hijack freeware Friday ever, I am going to give you a bumper pack of EIGHT games! (or nine maybe) I know that cheapskate DN usually only puts out four or five so I thought I’d give out special treats...

Let's get rollin!

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HOLD UP SCUBABOY, why does Ace Starkiller get the primary number one slot in this week’s freeware Friday? What makes this GAME OF THE WEEK? Well I’m biased really because this is a game created by a buddy of mine, ProgZmax. I thought I would give him some exposure. (Yeah I can do that, I don’t need your rules.)

For a game that was spawned from a random name generator and coughed up in 3-weeks I gotta say I’m pretty impressed. It’s an adventure game, an action game and a puzzle game all rolled into one. It is gritty sci-fi and has some pretty slick humour in it, so if you are into fast food and greasing space-thugs then this is the game for you! In the words of ProgZ himself, “Think Space Quest except you’re not a chump.”

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Let me get this out straight away. This game is ridiculous and I am pretty sure that after five minutes you will be bored and move on. There is no real goal, it’s impossible to win but for the five minutes that you do play it is pretty funny and a good laugh. (After five minutes I suggest you stop playing though otherwise you are just wasting your time.)

The thought of being forced into this sadistic workout ritual by a psychopathic “extreme” trainer is pretty funny, but there is only so many times you can “run to the bench” before you get a bit tired and embrace your death. This is a novelty game so take it as it is.

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I wouldn’t go as far as to say that flow is a game. It is in the sense that you have a limited control over the exploration of this being. You can direct the existence of this creature to explore what appears to be an infinite ocean. You can eat and grow and that’s about all there is to it. Why is it so good? Because it’s beautiful, it’s relaxing. It’s like if Pzizz was a game...

Why am I mentioning it? Because I really thought DN would leave it out and if that’s true (which it may not be!) then it would be a shame because I think this is something that anyone can enjoy. Someone might enjoy it for five minutes while they sip coffee and relax in the afternoon and some might dedicate the time to really exploring what is essentially EMPTY SPACE to find and grow.

I feel a little jewed that it is a dumbed down version of a larger PS3 game but it's smooth enough for me to still give it it's credit.

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I first found Orisinal a couple of years ago and I initially thought it was pretty dumb. It’s a collection of this one guys Flash game creations and the only use I could really find for it was to occupy my brother and stop him pestering me to play San Andreas of Manhunt or whatever other manly game I was playing that he’s not allowed to play (because he is a woman.)

But after the release of the Winterbells game on the site I really got into it a bit more. These are not the games I would dedicate a lot of time into but they are really refreshing and quite relaxing (and addictive to play.) So where I originally scoffed at the HEH CASUAL GAMERS... Freakin’ Flash Portals get off the net we don’t want you here. I would campaign to keep Orisinal around because although I am no expert at Flash, I really think it shows off the engines capabilities. If not technically then at least audio-visually.

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Yes! This game is a shmup. It is the most beautiful arcade shmup ever and I can only imagine how great it would be to play this game with a tablet. It’s one of those “innovative” games that didn’t quite grasp it. At basics it is just a simple arcade game and the “drawing” aspect doesn’t allow you any sense of creativity within the game. But it’s fun and in the end that’s what counts.

Draw lines to deal damage, create shields, deflect bullets and drag enemies in this chalkboard arcade game.

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Ahh, The more I see and hear Yahtzee, the more I hate him, but I’ve got to admit that he makes good games. I am always plugging them and I don’t know why I do it because he’s a whiny jerk with the biggest ego on the internet. What a cunt. More importantly though, The Art of Theft is a pretty good game.

If you can get over the fact it was created by a gay brit (also racist) then it is a pretty enjoyable gaming experience.

The concept is that you duck into these museums, hotels and houses to steal things... for money. And that’s about it. You unlock new skills as you go and there is a storyline in there somewhere and also I think Yahtzee is a fag.

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Direct Download
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This game really is a masterwork. It’s challenging, fun, innovative and despite only having one song looping as a soundtrack, it’s good enough to keep you humming along for however many hours of time you will dedicate to finishing this game. (Though not many as it is a really a concept engine and a little disappointingly short.)

You may remember it being mentioned as a part of rami’s Indie game awards topic. Well it’s THAT good I just had to bring it up again. You manipulate objects in the game by drawing in other Squares, Rectangles and Circles that will adapt to the physics of the world.

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This is puzzle platforming at its physics weirdest. The game gives off a hand drawn chalk-ish look and is fairly minimalist in design. Please don’t let this put you off. You control this stickman character with the simple task of collecting stars across these levels, but you can control the gravitational pull on the character with the click of a button and a rounded corner.

It’s pretty hard to get to grips with it because sometimes your fingers just won’t do what your brain is telling them but once you get into the flow of the game you can start enjoying it and really get to grips with how freakishly hard some of these levels are. If I remember correctly I got to level 19, see if you can beat me.

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HEY THAT MORBIDLY OBESE GAME WAS PRETTY GOOD? WHERE CAN I GET MORE GAMES LIKE THIS!?

Well alright, just for you guys I’ve got one last game for you. I’m not going to tell you anything about it, I’m not going to tell you my opinions on it and I’m going to advise you to play it ONCE ONLY, then delete it from your computer and never talk about it ever again.

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So if we're all wrapped up here and you guys are still convinced that there are not enough GOOD FREE GAMES out there then I can't help you because this is some of the best of the best! Enjoy and have fun.